You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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