Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
