They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
