you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
