The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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