I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
