my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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