dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
