I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
