Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
