Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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