cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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