That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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