2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
