have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
