Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
