ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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