He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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