we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
