I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
