I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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