i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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