My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
