Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Randomize
