He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
