You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
