she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
