my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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