At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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