everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
