Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
