I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
