No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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