I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
