DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
