Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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