This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
You dont lie about slip and slides
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
