The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
