oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
