Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
