I have demons in me.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
