omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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