im holly from the hills drunk
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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