just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
