She announced her abortion via fbk
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
This is the high leading the old right now
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
