why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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