By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I FOUND THE LEGS
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
