I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
