Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
