So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
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