but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
