I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
