Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Randomize
