Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Please, let me fuck your mom
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
