I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
