I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
